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Jokes News

South Africa : Lance Meets Fellow Survivors Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 4:47AMThey sat in little excited huddles of four around tables in the long, narrow hospital room. Some old, some younger, some still children. Many of them had bald heads, despite their young age, while others covered their hair loss with scarves.
'Family Wedding' surpasses stereotype Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 4:02AMOne enters a movie like "Our Family Wedding" bracing for cheesiness.
Local teen headed to 'Tucson' Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 4:01AMPaige Wiser: 'Sons of Tucson" is a project that's been in the works long enough that two of the aforementioned sons had to be recast. It didn't hurt the show any, and it was excellent news for local actor Matthew Levy. The 16-year-old Francis Parker sophomore nabbed the role of 13-year-old Brandon, the oldest brother in a family that can only aspire to be dysfunctional.
PIAA Girls Basketball Playoffs: Cardinal O’Hara to lean on seniors Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 3:58AMMARPLE — The talking commenced shortly before Cardinal O’Hara coach Linus McGinty called his team together for a meeting that would signal the beginning of practice Wednesday afternoon.
New Chilean leader greeted by quakes Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 3:55AMMarch 11, 2010 - Chile's President Sebastian Pinera speaks to supporters from a balcony at La Moneda presidential palace in Santiago. Pinera was sworn in as president Thursday at the National Congress in Valparaiso.
Howell: Hollywood picks grit over glitter at its peril Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 3:46AMOf the many conspiracy theories advanced for why The Hurt Locker beat Avatar at the Academy Awards, the only one that holds water is based on terrified actors.
New York Yankees Friday, March 12, 2010 @ 3:01AMMarc Carig/The Star-Ledger Francisco Cervelli's new helmet (right) didn't seem that much heavier than his regular helmet.
Car hits turkey in Dracut Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 10:07PMDRACUT - We’re used to seeing “deer crossing” signs all over the roads, but Dracut may want to consider a “turkey crossing” sign after one of them smashed into the windshield of a Jeep this week.
Turkey tumbles into Lowell teachers windshield Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 10:01PMDRACUT, Mass. -- A big bird caused some serious damage to a Lowell drivers vehicle.
Fly: Kornheiser apologizes for on-air remark Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 10:01PMCaught on the Fly
Woman sentenced to 10 years in prison for intoxication manslaughter Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 9:57PMA state district judge in Brownsville has sentenced a Harlingen woman to 10 years in prison for the intoxication manslaughter of Javier Rendon.
Iverson needs 'tough' love Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 9:54PMAllen Iverson has been there for his closest supporters for 14 years.
So Hard to Put Into Words (and Music) Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 9:51PMForrest McClendon, center, portrays a New York lawyer in “The Scottsboro Boys,” directed by Susan Stroman.
WVU Study: School Nutrition Improving Throughout West Virginia Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 9:43PMDespite West Virginians having a national reputation for unhealthy eating habits, a West Virginia University study finds that school nutrition is actually improving.
Gagged flash mob planned for Sydney Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 9:41PMSilent demonstration on internet filtering.
Slain Zephyrhills Correctional prisoner had killed deputy Wednesday, March 10, 2010 @ 9:08PM"Thank goodness. It's just 44 years too late," says the son of the man murdered in 1966.
Rolling News from the Oscars Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 6:31PMUP to the minute red carpet arrrivals, news and winners from this year's ceremony
Man about town Geoff Goodfellow leads good life Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 6:15PMWHEN you are looking for a man in the know the name Geoff Goodfellow quickly springs to mind. Born and raised in the Southern Highlands 59-year-old Mr Goodfellow has a firm grasp of life and events in the shire.
We're Live-Blogging The Academy Awards Red Carpet! Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 5:27PMMTV News is live-bloggin the Academy Awards red carpet! Get all the latest updates right here!
Kevin Pietersen and the curse of the England captaincy Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 5:25PMThose whom England wish to destroy, they first make captain. Who could escape such a thought, watching Kevin Pietersen struggle against the left-arm spinners of Bangladesh? What has happened to him, that he should fail four times in succession against Lilliput?
Kathy Griffin takes aim at Sarah Palin Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 5:23PMFILE - In this Sunday, Sept. 20, 2009 file photo, Kathy Griffin arrives at the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards in Los Angeles. Griffin brought her "Life on the D-List" show to Sarah Palin's home state Frid...
Kathy Griffin takes aim at Sarah Palin Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 5:15PMComedian Kathy Griffin has brought her "Life on the D-List" show to Sarah Palin's home state, skewering the former Alaska governor at a raucous show in Anchorage.
Kiss & yell! Bollywood girls change the rules Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 4:59PMGone are the days when heroines were just eye candy running around trees and pleading for mercy from tormentors.
Noon’s first ‘State of Our City’ scheduled Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 3:55PMMayor Cathy Noon, the second person to hold the position in Centennial’s 9-year history, will deliver her first State of Our City address on April 8 at the Embassy Suites Hotel, 10250 E. Costilla Ave. in Centennial.
In brief Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:56AMNorth Korea broadcast a video of leader Kim Jong Il attending a massive rally Saturday marking the reopening of a textile factory, a move seen as aimed at demonstrating his commitment to reviving the country’s sagging economy.
Skiing at 90: no problem Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:37AMHe might be 90 years old, but that's not stopping Jacob "Jack" Kaufman from skiing - and he's not wasting his time on the bunny slopes, either. Kaufman moves fast. Nobody on the hill seems to give him a double-take because not only is he skiing as good as most people, but he doesn't look like he's 90, either. Kaufman, who lives in Michigan, is in Vail this week with his family to celebrate his ...
Casper’s Billiards hits big time Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:32AMCasper’s Billiards is becoming an institution in the community of 4,200 and across the region.
Mexico Red Cross workers put lives at risk to save others Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:24AMOther than police and cartel members themselves, only one group gets so close to the combat in Mexico's drug war that their hands are routinely bloodied: ambulance crews.
Former Paterson resident is man behind the lines at the Oscars Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:18AMWith any luck, somebody who wins an Oscar tonight will do or say something remarkably silly or stupid, maybe even shocking, to enliven the festivities.
The Breakdown: Sometimes it rains Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:17AMTo quote Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh from the 1988 film "Bull Durham", "Baseball is a simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes, you win; sometimes, you lose; and sometimes, it rains. Think about that for a while." Well, I've often thought about it, and I have no clue what he's talking about. Regardless, it's a fitting (and funny) ending to one of my ...
Getting the last word Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:06AMAnd here I thought I was this insightful,
In reflection: Mayor Bill Standley looks back on his 12 years of service Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:04AMFARMINGTON — Mayor Bill Standley is packing photos, plaques and documents from his office in Farmington City Hall, but it doesn't seem like he's ready to leave.
Sun writers’ Oscar musings Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 1:04AMArt vs. Commerce — it’s the yin and yang of the Oscars. The two dovetailed nicely in the ’70s when critically acclaimed movies were also popular.
Paul Orberson: Recruiting for success Sunday, March 7, 2010 @ 12:58AMNASHVILLE — In the vast, glitzy confines of the Gaylord Opryland Resort, Paul Orberson looks
Bangor police wrestle with cramped quarters Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:49AMBangor Police Chief Scot Alo may not preside over the the most cramped police department in the Coulee Region — but if he doesn’t, it’s awfully close.
Kathy Griffin almost died after liposuction Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:41AMKathy Griffin almost died after liposuction, her new book reveals and she has the photographs to prove it. The flame haired star’s book “Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According To Kathy Griffin," has just been released.
Ralphie May comedy show stops at Saginaw's Temple Theater Tuesday Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:41AMCourtesy | For The Saginaw NewsRalphie MayEven after 20 years in the business, Ralphie May is still breaking new comedy ground. Having spent most of 2009 as one of the hottest comics in stand-up via regular Comedy Central viewings...
Nepal: one nation, a hundred languages, three genders Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:33AMCould you ever imagine being a prisoner of your own body and mind? What would you do, if at birth, you were assigned a body that didn’t match with your true gender? What would you do to come to terms with it? And, how would you deal with all these issues while society unjustly punished you for it?
Remembering Jimi Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:28AMHendrix engineer speaks 40 years on from his death
Bill stirs passions in Minn. gun debate Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:22AMGun control and gun rights advocates are ready for a clash over a bill that would require a background check on buyers of firearms at Minnesota gun shows.
Revised MN flood outlook due Friday Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:22AMCities along rivers in Minnesota should have a better idea of the spring flood threat when the National Weather Service releases an updated flood outlook Friday.
It's not road rage; it's road embarrassment Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:12AMWe all have them — the "was my face red!" moments. Some people, to whom the preservation of dignity is paramount, never reveal theirs. Others are more relaxed and willing to share theirs with friends and family. And then there are those who are just plain foolish enough to reveal theirs in print.
People in the News Friday, March 5, 2010 @ 6:06AMJames Cameron would have been a good sport, he said, if comedian Sacha Baron Cohen had been allowed to perform his Avatar spoof during the Academy Awards. At a pre-Oscar party, Cameron said he hadn’t known that an Avatar sketch involving Cohen and Ben Stiller had been cut from the show — out of deference to him. “I don’t produce the Oscars. If they want to poke fun at Avatar Sunday, that’s OK by ...
Two Oscar hosts cause double the debate Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 9:55AMIn this debate review, Spectator film writers Molly Speacht and Paul Hsiao take on the addition of a second host to the Academy Awards.
Obama's new adversary Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 9:41AMOn the eve of President Barack Obama's winter health-care summit, Rep. Paul Ryan is dining at Talay Thai, a no-frills restaurant with metal chairs and Formica tables. On this frigid evening, Ryan strolled coatless to Talay -- "I'm from Wisconsin!" he says -- from his cramped Capitol Hill office, where tonight, as on most nights, he'll sleep on a cot.
Political correctness: a defence Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 9:34AMWatch Mehdi Hasan put the case for political correctness against Ann Widdecombe.
Discovering the magic of grafting Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 9:33AMAgriculture students at Nipomo High School were treated to a magic show last week when Joe Sabol and the volunteers from the California Rare Fruit Growers Association visited their campus.
Jerry Brown stresses experience, bipartisanship Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 9:30AMDemocrat Jerry Brown - acknowledging he's more pragmatic and centrist than when he was California governor three decades ago - said Wednesday that if elected again he will bring Republicans and Democrats together with "businesspeople, union people and Tea...
What To Do? Thursday's Pick: Brian Posehn Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 9:13AMBrian Posehn @ Cobb's Comedy Club Comedians who tell good marijuana jokes tap into their psychedelic unconscious, cobbling together dim memories of long stretches amidst burrito heels and ...
Market Commentary and Intraday News Thursday, March 4, 2010 @ 9:12AM(AP:LOS ANGELES) Oscar producers Adam Shankman and Bill Mechanic are bridging stage and screen with an advanced, automated set at the Kodak Theatre and a super high-tech program planned for TV viewers.